One of Those Days

Two weeks ago, Brielle was sick. I mean, REALLY sick. It started out as a cold, quickly went into an ear infection, antibiotics didn't help (really wicked virus!) and turned into pneumonia. She was having such a hard time breathing and my nebulizer was doing nothing for her. We went back to the doctor (for the third time) where she got different medicine for the nebulizer, stronger antibiotics (hello yeast infection!), as well as something similar to oral prednisone, but stronger. They wanted to put her in the hospital until her breathing got a little bit better, but I assured them that I had been through this before and could handle it once I got the meds in her (the steroids work pretty fast). So, off we went to get the life saving (literally) meds. The pharmacy filled the wrong one. I got home before I realized it. We went back. They told me they didn't have what I needed - I needed to find another pharmacy that did have it (The third one finally had it). In the meantime, Belle is having a horrible time breathing, so once I got the medicine I sped home as quickly as I could - just to get pulled over for speeding. I got a ticket, wasn't friendly to the cop (who was nice and very decent about how mean I was to him), and was a bad example to Sammy, who was with me when this all happened. Anyway, long story short - Brielle got sick, I got a ticket, Brielle got better, I paid my ticket, went to traffic school and apologized to the officer. And we all lived happily ever after....except - I got another ticket yesterday.

So, the ticket yesterday went better (does getting a ticket ever go well???) A cop was hiding (yes, hiding - I HATE when they do this!!) just above my house waiting for people to blow through a stop sign there that's on a dead end road. Sam was late for an appointment, Brielle also had her well baby check up that day, so I looked both ways, slowed down slightly at the stop sign, then made the turn. Then I saw the lights. Crap. Another ticket - but at least I didn't yell at the officer this time and she even told me she would radar my street for speeders (if I'm gonna get a ticket, I want company in traffic school). But it's made me stop and think. I have so much going on - school, house, kids, church stuff, laundry, meals...the list goes on and on. Something has to give. But none of it is going away - except maybe for school.

I LOVE school. I love the feeling of accomplishment. I love that I might finally be able to realize the life goal of becoming a nurse. I even loved Chemistry - and that, for me, was hard to love. However, am I sacrificing my family too much? I've started to think so. The thought keeps coming to me that I have too much going on. I'm starting to focus on school and try to fit my family in where I can. It should be the other way around. But if I don't get all A's in my classes then I won't get into the nursing program. But school will always be here, my kids are going to grow up all too soon and when that happens I don't want to have regrets.

So, with so much sadness in my heart (and whole body if that's possible) I think I've come to the conclusion that I need to quit school for now. One part of me feels like a failure, a quitter. The other part of me knows that it's the right decision for the time being even though I don't like it.

I love my family so much and want to be a great mother and wife. That is my focus for now. I will miss school and the success I had in there for the short time that I was able to go. But, I will also look forward to the time that I get to go back again and finish what I started. In the meantime, I'll be the mom in the park having fun with her kids.